Is Civility Dead?

When did it become okay to disrespect someone because of his or her views or religion or race? Edward Kennedy once said, “I hope for an America where we can all contend freely and vigorously, but where we will treasure and guard those standards of civility which alone make this nation safe for both democracy and diversity.”  I share his hope, but now it seems that we are heading down the wrong path very quickly. 

Civility, whether it is in politics or just everyday engagement with others, has disappeared. I suppose civility means different things to different people, but some basic principles exist. For instance, in personal relationships, it means that you respect the other person and his or her opinion enough to listen and debate an issue or idea without judging or labeling that person. It is counterproductive to yell at the other person and close your mind to opposing viewpoints. In politics, it means working together to reach a particular common goal in a productive manner. This does not mean that you have to agree on the particular subject. However, it is important to have a civil debate with someone who has an opposing viewpoint and to advocate respectfully for your own position. When you cannot open your mind to opposing viewpoints, you stop learning. It is hard to reason with someone who will not listen.

So, is this attitude the new norm or is this just a phase in our history that will reverse itself? Free speech is and should be a respected right in our country, but when that free speech becomes disrespectful and threatening, a line should be drawn.  I place some of the blame on social media. It is a lot easier to make obnoxious comments on Facebook or Twitter than facing someone in person to do so. Social media almost encourages that behavior. But, then again, some people have no problem at all saying mean and hurtful things to people in public. Both behaviors should be considered unacceptable, but nowadays it seems that it is becoming an acceptable norm. It is up to all of us to discourage this behavior and encourage civil discourse. It used to be that we could agree to disagree yet remain civil to each other. What has precipitated this incivility?

The root of the problem: Government has failed the people.  Elected officials are not living up to their campaign promises.  They are not accomplishing what they were elected to office to do. They are not listening to their constituents who elected them to the office in the first place. This lack of empathy and compassion is pushing people to extremes and the divide is getting bigger. So, how do we encourage our elected officials to do what their constituents voted them into office to do? Be informed and participate in the political process by voting for qualified candidates and continue to encourage your elected officials to listen to your concerns. Discourage bad behavior from your elected officials and your colleagues in your everyday lives. I challenge all of you to be a part of the solution instead a part of the problem.

So, what do you think? Is incivility the new norm or just a phase? I would like to hear from you. You can contact me at cmahanpour@fostercity.org.